Heroism? It's complicated.

What is a hero? At first, the word “Hero” has one definition. But is it really that easy? The first definition of Hero, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is: a person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, aside from being a mythological figure or illustrious warrior, the definition is: a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities. Even in the Urban Dictionary online, along with quotes from shows about heroism, the general definition is: Someone who helps without anything expected in return. Their gesture may be big or small, profound or not, it doesn’t make im’ any less of a hero.

I will give a nod of acknowledgment to the fact that the word “man” has been used, and not “woman.” I’m sure we all know how to translate that maturely.

The words “achievements” and “noble” show up a couple times in these definitions. What is a hero if he hasn’t accomplished something? Accomplishing something with nobility? Let’s look at what the word Noble has to say: OED says, after mentioning social status, having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles. M-WD: possessing outstanding qualities. UDo, the 15th entry is closest to what we’re talking about: One who acts selflessly to better the life of his child. (Everything else had to do with someone who was, or thought he was, better than everyone else).

It looks like a hero accomplishes things better than most others, helping without expecting something back. The boss who uses her own expenses to throw employees a Christmas party is a hero when most other bosses don’t do that. The husband who drives five miles to put two gallons of gas in his wife’s car at her workplace so she can make it home is a hero when many other husbands wouldn’t do that. The girl at school who sits with the unpopular girl so that she’s not alone is a hero because no one else did it.

Anyone can be a hero if utilizing courage, which is mentioned in the Oxford definition. What does courage entail? OED says, the ability to do something that frightens one; bravery. M-WD offers, Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. UDo give us, the ability to confront pain, fear, humiliation, or anything else a person would naturally stay away from. Generally, heroism is about doing something you know is uncomfortable in order to help someone else, despite the ability to choose not to. The boss would actually like to use that money to make her upcoming conference more impressive for her potential client, but doesn’t. The husband would rather sit and watch television than go to the gas station and then drive to his wife’s work and find her car, but gets up. The girl at school would prefer to not be ridiculed for being associated with the unpopular girl, but sits with her. What they did was courageous, and helpful, and selfless.

What if we looked under a layer of these heroics and found out that the selflessness wasn’t what it seemed? The boss throws the party for her employees, sweetening them up for a new company policy that will be unpopular. The husband puts two gallons in so that he doesn’t have to get up later to take care of towing the car. The girl befriends the unpopular girl because she has a science project that she knows this girl can do for her. Now are they heroes?

Don’t answer yet, it’s not as simple as that even in light of this new twist. Perhaps at the company party two co-workers finally connect and end up living a wonderful 50-year marriage. Maybe the wife who was rescued sees her husband as a knight in shining armor, and their relationship strengthens. The unpopular girl might gain confidence because she is befriended, and find her life-long calling because of the science project. All of this could have happened even though the “heroic” actions were truly selfish. Are they still heroes because of the doors of opportunity and changes of attitude they induced? The question now is: Does heroism still count if the intention wasn’t noble, if those affected by the action see it as noble?

Just like the proverbial view of beauty, perhaps heroism is also in the eye of the beholder. The situation could be argued that, “They didn’t do that to help YOU, they did it so THEY would feel better.” Keep in mind that there are people who specialize in seeing negative twists in every positive moment, no matter what. However, if someone’s action has opened an opportunity for you, or changed your attitude for the better, why does their motive matter? If the hero you saw turns out to not be the hero you thought, just keep it in mind for future consideration when they do something that seems nice. But grab the goodness that comes out of anything that helps you, heroic or selfish.

Another twist? The boss didn’t use the money for the conference, so her client was not impressed and didn’t hire the company to do their project, and the workers had days off for lack of business. The husband left the house to gas the car, not playing the game he promised with his son who then felt neglected and resentful. The unpopular girl made a new friend, so the chess club who had the boy she liked in it decided to not ask her to join after all. Still a hero?

Heroism isn’t solid, just like so many other labels we’ve concocted to describe what we’ve experienced in life as opposed to who a person is who has acted on us. We have each likely experienced a hero in some way, whether that person meant to be a hero or not. But we say “hero” when we feel like we’ve been saved, and maybe that’s all that matters.

#hero #courage #selfless #selfish